If Snakes Could Fly

   One day my wife and I had been for a walk in the woods behind our house. We had walked down to the creek and looked for tracks in the mud. On our way home, just as we reached our yard,we heard a rustle in a clump of weeds at the base of an oak tree. My wife was startled and jumped to the side.
   We didn't see anything in the weeds so we walked on to the deck and sat down to rest. It was a hot day and the walk back home had been up a steep hill.
    Suddenly, a hawk came swooping down and snatched something from the very clump of weeds we had heard the noise emanating from. As our eyes followed the hawk's flight it was easy to see that he had a snake in his talons.
    The hawk sat on a limb that was a mere fifty feet from where we sat. We could plainly see his every movement as he held the snake at two points; one with his beak and the other with his talons. He ripped the snake into strips and devoured it, one strip at a time.It's reasonable to assume that the hawk noticed our reaction as we passed the tree and dove from his lofty height to snatch his prey. At any rate, I have no love for snakes and the hawk is welcome to his rather hardcore supper. I'm reminded of another snake story but that one will wait until another post.

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The White Chicken Mystery

The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think? After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...

Egg Art

Hey, everyone. One of the odd customs in America is the Easter Egg Hunt. Here at the Green Retreat, we do a hunt every Spring. I just ran across some of the pictures from this years hunt and it is obvious that an artist had sneaked into our midst. The orange egg is a rendering of one of the Angry Birds of gaming lore. If I were a bird and had to pass an egg that size, I would be angry too. Ha, ha. We typically will dye about 10 dozen eggs and people get quite creative with their quotes and colors, as you can see. Many of the eggs are a bit risque for these pages. After having a few laughs, we hide the eggs. All of them are never found, which is cool. It is amusing to see old men (me) and all ages of folks, walking around with a basket on their arm. Some of the hiding spots are dastardly. Like eggs hidden in the guttering downspouts and ten foot up a tree. The kids are perhaps the most devious at hiding the colorful orbs, goi...

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...

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