CE Wills

        Hey, everyone, across the known world. I ventured forth into the haunts of men today. I had to pick up a new pair of spectacles (not shown). I also picked up some new contact lenses. It was a relief to get that chore over with. But the day was not without its pleasures.      I bought the DVD of the latest Star Wars flick. Carley and I had watched it at the theater around the holidays but I'll probably talk about it when I watch it again. When I got home it was blustery and cool but I grilled some steaks. Carley fixed baked taters (southern for potatoes), rolls and salads. She put stuff on the salads until they were a meal. Sure, lettuce, tomato, cheese, grape, pineapple, onion, boiled eggs, strawberry and dressing.     On the steaks I put Cajun, not an actual person but the spice, Greek and Montreal steak spice. The meal was good and I washed had almond-pistachio ice cream for dessert. Then I kicked ...

     Hey, everyone. It is a cold , rainy day at the green retreat. The temperature is in the mid-thirties and there is snow in the mountains just west of me. I always hated this weather when I had to get out and work in it. If it had been colder, the precipitation would have been snow and though inconvenient for traveling, at least I wasn't soaked. Now I don't have to get out in it. But, after all those years, I have become somewhat ambivalent about the weather. I went for a drive and walked a track in the rain. I would have preferred to walk in the woods, but no one was walking but me, which is how I like it. Therefore it was a fine day for a walk on the track.       Though I wasn't walking in the woods, I did see some wildlife during the drive. The first was a woodchuck. He was running up the road on this old, narrow, country lane. His fur seemed very light-colored and I thought, perhaps, that he had tinted it, just a little. I wanted to...

    Hey, everyone. I have had an interesting day, here at the author's green retreat. My heating and air unit was visited by a frog. I am not sure how long the little guy has been around, but he was inside the grill for the fan box. One day he would be on the left and the next day he would be on the right. My wife opined that he was one of those frogs who like to live on the edge. He thought that it would be cool to ride the air coming off the blades, like a skydiver floating in a wind-tunnel. This is certainly a worthy hypothesis but I had another thought about the long-legged rascal.       I decided to name him Thespian, King of Frogs. I figured that he was trying to find a better land for his people to live in. He saw that the moisture from the unit's condensate line would provide clean water. There would be a few bugs drawn to the water, which would provide some nutrition. There was the added plus in the fact that no cat could reach a frog that wa...

    Hey, everyone. I was just sitting on the porch, drinking my morning coffee. This is one of my favorite rituals. I noticed one of the local cardinals, a female, was alighting on one of the massive blooms of a Crepe Myrtle tree in my yard. When she did, blossoms went everywhere, cascading downward onto my lawn. Then she went to another bloom with a like result. Then another, and another. Soon it became apparent that she was purposely deflowering my tree on some sort of bird vendetta.     As you know, I recently had a cardinal family next to my chair, snug in their nest. They had the baby birds there and the whole domestic scene. Cool. They survived their infancy just fine and moved to other quarters recently. We got along great because I kept the cat away from them. During their residency, I did a blog about the rascals and mentioned that the lady cardinal was more drab in her mode of dress than the male.      It seems obvious to t...

    Hey, everyone. Glad you could stop by the author's green retreat. Nice sunset, don't you think?     I watched the final of the Aussie Open yesterday and got a big kick out of it. Let me tell you some thoughts on this rather bizarre match between Stanislav Wawrinka and Rafael Nadal. As you know, I love Nadal. I like his intensity and his bull dog tenacity, his effort. I like Wawrinka too. I like the tatt on his forearm about failure and effort.      Before this match started they were being filmed coming down the tunnel and I guess Rafa stopped and let Stan wait on him, with Stan carrying that heavy equipment bag. Gamesmanship? Only Rafa knows. I watched Wawrinka drop his bag and there was a look of irritation on his face...and the eye of the tiger.     I thought to myself. You might want to forget that this guy has never taken a set from Nadal, let alone beaten the Spaniard. Sure enough, Wawrinka beat Nadal, but w...

    Hey, everyone. Yesterday I had an odd day. I had I-Pad trouble with my I-Pad Air. Let me tell you about it. I'll have to give you the "Reader's Digest Version". Ha, ha. This is an old saying, common during the dark ages. At that time Reader's Digest put abbreviated novels out for consumption by those who didn't really have a lot of time. They were quite good, usually.      So, a weird thing was going on with my Padster. To wit, I would buy a game and it would not appear on my I-Pad. The store would indicate that the game had downloaded but alas, there was no icon. Distressing. How could I possibly save Duke Nukem in The Manhattan Project ?      I bought other games, like Alpha 9, and they didn't appear either. I just chilled out for a while and meditated on the problem, hoping it would go away or a flash of genius might overtake me. I plugged the Padster into my PC and added some of my old games. They didn't appear either...

   Hey, everyone. It is I, sending you another missive from the author's green retreat. My wife is at work this morning and I'm left to my own devices. Speaking of devices. As you may have noted from previous episodes of the blog, I sort of want a new I-Phone 5s (Gold, 16 gig). Just for curiosity, I have been keeping tabs on the places that might have one. At this precise moment in space and time, there is one such beast within 100 miles of me. Siri has assured me that she can navigate a course to the store that is its fabled lair. I have the funds necessary to buy it. I have the time, the drive, the ambition. I have a dependable, dirty vehicle in which to make the journey. Yet I do not go. Why?     Well, I have a nice phone, the I-Phone 4s. It does all the stuff that I need a phone to do. Wasting money is something that I have conquered over the years. But the hype machine that puts the impressionable aboard this Apple Device Upgrade Train (ADUT) calls to me...

   Hey, everyone. As you know, Halloween is approaching and I like to do a spooky post occasionally.( By the way, check out the tab (label) at the bottom of this post that says 'Spooky'. Especially, you should read Campfire Song, The Old Man In the Straw Hat and The White Sign .) Anyway, this is a true story.     The other evening I got a message on my I-Pad that says, "Google Maps has requested access to your microphone." Weird, since I have never even used that app, or at least not recently. No big deal, I like a good joke as much as anybody. So, I push "Don't Allow" and go to the Google Maps app and delete it.      Then today, I had been reading the morning news on different sites and had closed the Padster and placed it on my keyboard (music keyboard). As I walked to the kitchen I heard a soft ding and returned to open the 'smart cover' on the device, thinking I'd gotten an email.    To my surprise the screen was filled ...

     I am Pervious, the gnat warrior. As you know, we gnats exist for the sole purpose of bothering humans. We rejoice in the apparent irritation we cause people. You are probably not aware that there are such things as Gnat Warriors.  The distinction between us and regular gnats is that we bite. We prefer to bite your face and ears. The ear lobe of humans is a special delicacy. When I 'eat out' with lady gnats, that is where I like to go. The ear lobe. The flesh is so soft! Sometimes there are these tiny hairs that feel good on my feet.      You know what I really love? I love it when a human takes a swing at me, misses and hits himself in the face! That is hilarious.      I know what you're thinking, at least the Germaphobes among you. You think that we gnats are nasty because we have been seen, hovering around gross stuff. This accusation is true. But pride will not endure in the fast-paced, live on the razor's edge...

     Hey, everyone. After a tough week at work, I decided to just hang around the house all day. After being suitably lazy for much all of the morning, I recovered admirably and did some chores. In this rural area, America guys do this thing called "Hauling off the garbage". I took my garbage to the dump. This involves loading plastic bags full of garbage into a truck, or the trunk of a car and getting it out of your life forever.       I know I have a lot of overseas viewers, which is why I tell about this mundane stuff. If I haul garbage in the trunk of my car, I put it in a big plastic bin so that any leaky fluids will not smell up my car. Obviously, we don't have a garbage service out here in 'the country'. That's okay with me because I don't like for anyone to keep up with my business. I had a friend who worked as a garbage man. He used to try to tell me things about people and I told him I didn't want to hear it. I mean, hauling off...

    Hey, everyone. Yesterday I was at Best Buy and I was looking at the display for the new I-Phones; 5s and 5c. The sales girl was nice and we talked to her a while. She said that they still had the 5s in stock, which surprised me. According to her, they had the 64 Gig model of the 5s in the Silver and the Space Grey. This really surprised me as I'd read all the stories on line about their unavailability. Now, I don't remotely need 64 Gigs of space, grey or otherwise. Ha, ha. So, I didn't buy it.      The sales lady also said that they had plenty of the 5c in stock, except for the yellow one. If I was going to buy one, I'd want the yellow one, I think, because it is a macho color, but I hear that the 5c is basically a 5 with the plastic body. (Insert joke here?)      My phone (I-Phone 4s) is not all that important to me and is not my life as it is with teens. I use it mostly for phone calls and to check e-mail. I think I have t...

    Hey, everyone, out there in game-land. The number 1 game on the friendly neighborhood app store is Call of Duty: Strike Team . No wonder, because it is a terrific game. The farther I play, the cooler it gets. But before I get to that, what are all these numbers indicating on my gun? Has to be some sort of ammo indicator for the clips, I guess. either that or some of my compadres has trouble doing his math homework. Whatever.     Hey. Check out the picture of me hitching a ride on an enemy truck so that my team can infiltrate a missile silo. Do you like the face mask? I bought it at a store called Fashions by Bane. Ha, ha. (Batman Reference) On this mission, my team was assisted by a Russian Spetsnaz squad. How's that for detente, comrade? These Spetsnaz guys make everything fun. What I mean is this. We shoot bunches of enemies and get into the bowels of the silo. We get to the gantry where the missile is (Pictured above) and we see that the rad...

    Hey, everyone. I have a friend. He has been hanging around here for more years than I can remember. He is a squirrel, a stuffed animal. Usually he lays around on a bookshelf but lately he has been acting odd. Okay, a few years ago I did an article about The Rainbow Pig , complete with a video. My squirrel friend, his name is Yuck, was insanely jealous because he is inanimate, whereas the Pig is not only multicolored but can walk and wiggle his nose if you wind him up. (He also oinks.)     Well, things festered for a few years. Then, we got a bottle of champagne which came with a small tuxedo around it. Yeah, really. So, Yuck put the tuxedo on and preened around my desk in it, as you can see from the picture above. I admit that he looks very dapper and I complimented him on his outfit. However, I am concerned that he is feeling hurt and vulnerable and unworthy. So, I thought I'd give him some attention and write an article about him.   ...

     Hey, everyone. One of the odd customs in America is the Easter Egg Hunt. Here at the Green Retreat, we do a hunt every Spring. I just ran across some of the pictures from this years hunt and it is obvious that an artist had sneaked into our midst. The orange egg is a rendering of one of the Angry Birds of gaming lore. If I were a bird and had to pass an egg that size, I would be angry too. Ha, ha.      We typically will dye about 10 dozen eggs and people get quite creative with their quotes and colors, as you can see. Many of the eggs are a bit risque for these pages. After having a few laughs, we hide the eggs. All of them are never found, which is cool. It is amusing to see old men (me) and all ages of folks, walking around with a basket on their arm. Some of the hiding spots are dastardly. Like eggs hidden in the guttering downspouts and ten foot up a tree. The kids are perhaps the most devious at hiding the colorful orbs, goi...

    Hey, everyone. I stayed at home today. I played songs on the keyboard for about an hour and a half this morning, which is unusual for me. Carley and I sang along and it was a lot of fun. Then she fixed me a big breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and jelly. Then, in the afternoon, came the really thrilling part in which we sat on the porch together. What we do is scoot our chairs together and she uses one ear-bud and I use the other.(Of  her I-Pod). I drank several beers and listened to old tunes. For some reason I was in the mood for songs that rock out pretty good.     I was listening to Joan Jett singing I Love Rock and Roll and I thought that she was turning the gender tables a little bit and watching the young dude at the juke box, like Chuck Berry talking about Go Little Queenie . Good for her, and speaking for myself as a 17 year old guy, I would have welcomed her attentions. Ha, ha.     My day was not totally boring, however...

     Hey, everyone. Carley and I went to see The Lone Ranger last night. We really enjoyed it and had a good time. They had the lobby all decorated up with western stuff, including a tepee(?) and lots of posters. It was a Monday night and we went to the 9:30 showing, which put us getting out around midnight.     In the theater there were a total of 5 people, which made me reflect on the reviews for the show and the likely fact that it will lose a bunch of money. With a budget in the range of $225 million, the film was destroyed by the critics. Word of mouth I got from normal people was very positive. By and large the critics hated it. Why?       Let me say that this is not all that unusual. I also don't mean to criticize the critics because everyone should give their honest opinion of stuff.     Let me also say that I have a lot of admiration for the folks who wrote, directed etc. this show; for letting it ...

    Hey, everyone. Sometimes gaming can be high-pressure. Take tonight, for instance. I was playing the excellent puzzle game titled 4 Elements #2. I have already done a review of it so I won't attempt to do so again. You have to match symbols and use 'power-ups' to get molten lava to flow around a board and bring life back to a faerie world. Cool. That's what I do. I'm into it. There are also a variety of mini-puzzles such as hidden objects and even putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Hey, when I get in trouble I call Carley.     Anyway, tonight, Carley wasn't around when a crisis struck. I was confronted with a faerie in a glass jar. She was crying for help. She said that she was running out of air. Every minute or two she would rattle the jar. In order to free her, I had to find all these objects and use them. Like there were some missing books. Then there was the pieces of a torch. When I found them I could light all the candles. I found the pieces of ...

   Hey, everyone. It being Christmas, I thought you might have a few Super-Heroes on your list. As a full service blog, I thought I'd share some of the things I have bought for my super-friends. 1) Spiderman- Anything. The guy has no luck at all. 2) Submariner- Deodorant. He smells like fish. 3) Superman- Kryptonite antidote. 4) Green Lantern- A matching green bracelet for that cool ring. 5) Iron Man- Pepper Potts, wrapped in a red ribbon. Just a red ribbon. 6) Batman- A dehumidifier for that drafty old Bat-cave. 7) Hulk- Clothes are always good. The dude is hard on clothes. 8) Flash- Shoes, obviously. Yellow Reeboks with wings on them. How is it that he doesn't have a shoe deal with Nike or someone? 9) Wonder Woman- Victoria's Secret, of course. I'd need her there with me to try on the stuff. 10) Black Widow- A whip, to go with all that black leather. 11) Thor- A new name. So he wouldn't sound like a muscle condition with a speech impediment. 12) Cat...

    Hello. My name is Tom and I am a turkey. I live here at the green retreat and C.E. Wills asked me if I'd be his guest blogger today. When I asked him what I should talk about, he replied, "Anything you want. Tell the folks what you are thankful for."      Well! There is so much that I am thankful for. We turkeys are not a particularly religious crowd, but I'll give it a try. 1) I am thankful for the green retreat. I love to walk the forest paths and peck at things. The hills give a nice echo to my gobbles and there is always the hope that a female turkey will show up. There are acorns and hickory nuts galore. Most importantly, C.E. doesn't allow hunting on the green retreat, so I feel safe. 2) I am thankful that it is a sunny, warm day. Makes me want to spread my brilliant plumage and fly for a short distance. I am thankful for the cool sound I make as I fly. It is a whirring, rushing sound that inspires awe, especially if a bunch of us turkeys ...

    Hey, everyone. I have spent some time in meditation this week, seeking a greater level of peace and contentment. Since my personality and maturity run to the 15 year old level, despite my advanced age, here's the thoughts that are uppermost in my mind. 1) Why is Spiderman so darn unlucky? I'd like to see the dude happy, prosperous and blessed. I was so happy for him, about 40 years ago, when he bought his first motorcycle. 2) Why is it always rainy in Gotham City? Why can't Batman move to Nassau and wear a Speedo, get a tan and all that? Or, he could just add a touch of color to his drab costume. Maybe a rainbow-hued scarf around his neck? 3) What do the stars signify, if anything, on Wonder Woman's blue panties? Is it similar to the U.S. flag? Are there that many city-states on her island nation? Does Hera have that many daughters? This is something that must be brought to light. It is something worthy of an Indiana Jones movie. I need a battered Fedor...