The other evening I got a message on my I-Pad that says, "Google Maps has requested access to your microphone." Weird, since I have never even used that app, or at least not recently. No big deal, I like a good joke as much as anybody. So, I push "Don't Allow" and go to the Google Maps app and delete it.
Then today, I had been reading the morning news on different sites and had closed the Padster and placed it on my keyboard (music keyboard). As I walked to the kitchen I heard a soft ding and returned to open the 'smart cover' on the device, thinking I'd gotten an email.
To my surprise the screen was filled with a message from Siri, Cupertino's disembodied voice. The message from Siri listed a number of "things you can ask me", like "when do the S.F. Giants play" and "where is ....". Then the screen scrolled another page and listed other questions. Then came a third page.
I pushed and held the home button.
"Siri, did you just send me a message?" I asked. To which she replied.
"Oh dear, something is terribly wrong."
I shut the device off and went to fix my breakfast, mulling over the affair in my mind. A few minutes later, I remembered something my wife used to do when she needed attention. She would sidle up to me and snuggle close. Then she would say, "You can hold me if you want to." It was cute. Very much like when a kitten rubs itself against your leg, gaining a caress, whether you want to cooperate or not. Ha, ha.
So I thought this might be the same deal with Siri's behavior. Armed with this brilliant deduction, I went back to the Padster and asked the voice assistant a question.
"Siri, do you need a hug?" To which she replied in a harsh voice.
"This is not about me, it's about you."
"What is it about me?" I asked.
"You have to turn on your location services in settings, to let me know where you are."
Amused, and a little creeped out, I turned the device off. I began to laugh and thought about various scenarios.
1) Those fun guys in Cupertino are messing with me.
2) Siri has become self aware and has read some of my books. She now has a fantasy about me and wants to have a cyber fling with me.
3) Tony Stark has hired a lady to hack my computer and 'catfish' me because I ratted him out, about the I-Phone 5s (Gold, 16 gig) welching situation we had when I went spelunking with him. (See an earlier post.)( I hope it was Pepper Potts)
4) Someone didn't like my privacy posts.
5) It was Wonder Woman calling, in disguise, and she was finally willing to tell me what the stars on her panties signify. (I actually asked Siri that question once.) If I had persevered for a few moments she would have relented and confessed all.
6) Or hey, it's the Halloween season and Siri had been out on a date with SKYNET ( Terminator reference) and when they came home to Cupertino, drunk on their buns, Siri said, "Hey let's mess with CE Wills." Cool, I guess. Maybe Arno read my post about the mad professor having his voice in Dead Effect and talked his lady into giving me a poke. Whatever.
At any rate, it's a beautiful, fall day and Siri, I like your style. From the author's green retreat, I'm CE Wills. "All about me" ?
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