Skip to main content

Disagreement With My Car Over Cameron Diaz

    Hey, everyone. I went to see the movie entitled The Counselor. I found it very interesting, as I have written a book or two about that same part of the world, Juarez and it's surroundings. I also recommend it to you. But my post tonight has to do with what happened after the movie.
    It was dark and overcast as I climbed into my car and drove toward my home. I turned on my radio, which I seem to do less and less as I get older. It surprised me when my car spoke to me through the radio speakers.
"Hey," it said in a deep voice. I jerked my head toward the back seat, almost running off the highway. Then I reached into the back floorboard and ran my hand over the floor and the seat, my heart in my throat.
"Hey, dude," the voice said, "man up and calm down. It's me, your car, that's talking."
"You can talk?" I queried in a high-pitched squeak.
"Yeah. We all can, when it serves our purpose. At least those of us that have a computer chip."
"Cool," I said. Clearly I was just having a bad dream. No harm, no foul.
"Hey, the cars in the parking lot were all talking about that scene with Cameron  Diaz." I knew instantly what scene he...it, was talking about.
"You mean the scene where she climbs on the hood of the car, then onto the windshield?" I chuckled softly at the memory. "Have you seen it?"
"No," he said. "Is it as hot as they say?"
"Oh, yes."
"Dude. I want her to do that to my windshield." He said it so quietly, so soberly, it freaked me out a little. I laughed nervously.
"I can certainly understand that," I said.
"Good! I want you to arrange it."
     When he said that, I started laughing out loud. It seemed to make him mad. The engine shut down and I was left without my power steering. Then I felt the steering wheel begin to turn in my hands, taking me toward the ditch. I shouted in alarm. The engine restarted and the steering went back to normal. The adrenaline rush left me shaky.
"You'd better show some respect, my friend." The voice intoned through the speakers. I nodded my head.
"Sure. Sorry."
      Mollified, the car said, "I figure that since you're an author, you could hook me up with that lady."
"No, I can't. She's a big star. I'm an obscure writer. Besides, it's just a movie. It has nothing to do with reality. It's just fiction, my man. Er...car."
"Couldn't you like, pay her a million dollars to do it?" The voice was naive, pleading.
"First of all, I don't have anywhere near that amount of money. If I did, I'd be driving a Beamer instead of you. Secondly, she is wealthy. She would not consider it, at all. Get a grip!"
"Oh," he said, crushed. We drove along in silence for a while. Finally he said softly.
"When it comes out on DVD, will you bring a TV to the garage and show it to me?"
     From the car's green retreat, I'm CE Wills. No cars were mistreated in the making of this blog.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Game Review: NFS, Hot Pursuit

    This game was one which I refused to download for a while, even though it was on sale for 99 cents. I thought that it looked boring and narrow. Boy, was I wrong! This game totally kicks butt. It is one of those rare games that will actually give you an adrenaline rush. It is that intense. The developers, EA Games, have recently updated the app to include two main avenues of play. You can either be the cops or the racers who are trying to evade the cops. As a racer you have to deal with cops trying to hit you and make you crash, cops buzzing you with helicopters, oncoming traffic, tack strips spread across the road and roadblocks. In the cop mode you are a cop and you are trying to stop a reckless racer by any means, fair or foul. As a racer you can use nitrous oxide for increased speed, overdrive capability and oil slicks. You also can jam the cops communication with a jamming unit. Like almost all games these days, it gets harder as you go along. I prefer my games to...

Four Free Games

     Hey, everyone. If free games makes the start of a new week a little better, we're in luck. Check these out on your friendly, neighborhood app store. 1) Cowboys vs. Aliens vs. Ninjas- This is a dual stick shooter, much like Mini-Gore . You are an old-west cowboy with a vast array of weapons (earned gradually). You have to move and shoot, avoiding death, as you battle Ninjas and aliens. Some aliens are quite large. Some enemies are big Sumo Wrestlers. There are sword-wielding ninjas and these aliens that yield a mini-nuclear explosion when killed. When your enemies die they leave behind little stacks of money, or skulls. You collect these items because of a strange hobby of trophy grabbing for your macabre collection. Just kidding, the items can be spent or used as the game progresses. This is a good game and I played it for a while last night. 2) The Heist - A puzzle game with a twist. As you try to open a bank vault, you must face a series of different puz...

Bottle On The Doorknob

      Hey, everyone. I took a day of vacation today and really enjoyed it. We went out and bought some flowers. Flowers don't do well up here as a rule so we buy some and have a couple of big pots of assorted flowers on the deck for the summer. This year we are going to set the pots out in the yard a bit. The reason for this is the moisture and dirt in the pots seems to attract ants, scorpions and perhaps gnats. Bloody drag, what?     This weekend there seemed to be a bad odor in the house in the area of the master bedroom and the master bath. We could not isolate what the problem was. We did a number of things, including pouring vinegar and baking soda down the drains, which boils them out in rather spectacular fashion. Put a handful small amount of baking soda down them first, then pour vinegar down them. Very cool.     We finally deduced that a mouse had crawled up between the floor and sub-floor underneath the jacuzzi, after ...