Skip to main content

Hairy Back, Leaf-Eating, Sword Toting Spider

Hey, everyone. Sometimes you get a special treat when you live in the woods. For example, I just encountered an odd spider. I wanted to think up a cool name for him but I couldn't think of one. I will call him a hairy backed, leaf eating, sword toting spider. Can you make out the sword design on his back? I suspect that :1) His mom was a Japanese beetle and his dad was a granddaddy longlegs. As such, he grew up with a ninja, anime fetish and had a tattoo put on his back of a sword, to intimidate his enemies. Or 2) There is a legend that whosoever finds the sword on a spider's back and has the strength to lift it, will become the King of Camelot. Perhaps some red neck Merlin has instigated this. 3) This spider has been peeking in the windows and watching me play innumerable games like Prince Of Persia, Warrior Within, Backstab and Hero Of Sparta 2. The spider got so into it that he developed a mutation on his back. He is now a swashbuckler and is intent on rallying all spiders on the mountain to drive the interloping humans into the sea. (Which is a long way from here.)4) The dude eats leaves because he is the oddest of spiders. He is a vegetarian. When he ceased to eat bugs he was sent into exile and now lives a solitary life. A curse was placed on him by the other spiders, in which he must wander the wasteland. Every spider he meets will see the sword and seek to kill him. This is sort of the Jeremiah Johnson of bugs. In that movie a guy lived in the mountains and every Crow Indian sought him out, one at a time, to kill him. A great movie starring Robert Redford. I suppose I could name the big spider Jeremiah or Robert or Redford. That's it, the Redford spider.

Well, hey, if I can think of something a bit less silly to write about, I may put out another post today. From the webbed retreat, I'm CE Wills.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The White Chicken Mystery

    The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think?      After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...

Egg Art

     Hey, everyone. One of the odd customs in America is the Easter Egg Hunt. Here at the Green Retreat, we do a hunt every Spring. I just ran across some of the pictures from this years hunt and it is obvious that an artist had sneaked into our midst. The orange egg is a rendering of one of the Angry Birds of gaming lore. If I were a bird and had to pass an egg that size, I would be angry too. Ha, ha.      We typically will dye about 10 dozen eggs and people get quite creative with their quotes and colors, as you can see. Many of the eggs are a bit risque for these pages. After having a few laughs, we hide the eggs. All of them are never found, which is cool. It is amusing to see old men (me) and all ages of folks, walking around with a basket on their arm. Some of the hiding spots are dastardly. Like eggs hidden in the guttering downspouts and ten foot up a tree. The kids are perhaps the most devious at hiding the colorful orbs, goi...

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...