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Not So Angry Birds

    Hey, everyone. I hope your weekend is going well. First off tonight I'd like to talk a little football. All you non-fans hang with me, please. I want to talk some environmental stuff later.
    Peyton Manning, one of the great gentlemen in sports and a favorite of mine, has been put out of the playoffs by the NY Jets. It was a terrific game and either team deserved the win. I felt bad for this young kid who roughed the Jets kicker and could have been blamed for the loss if the Colts had not come back and scored. At any rate, the Jets won and their defense appeared to be back to it's rugged self of previous times.
     In the other NFL playoff game today, the Seattle Seahawks beat the New Orleans Saints. Friday I told a guy that New Orleans would beat the Seahawks as bad as they wanted to. I did not say this because I wanted the Saints to win. I wanted Seattle to win. I just thought that the Saints were the better team. This was a monumental error in judgement. I remember making a similar judgement several decades ago when Joe Montana was coming out of college. I told someone that Joe would never make it in the NFL.
    The Seattle-New Orleans game was a great game. You have to hand it to that gutsy bunch of Seahawks. No one believed in them and they made us all look stupid. Man, I love it when the underdog overachieves.
     Now on to more serious matters. Doubtless you've heard about the dead birds falling from the sky in Arkansas. I forget if it was hundreds or thousands. Some of our country's most brilliant minds came up with this theory. Some fireworks scared the birds and they flew into things and killed themselves. I think it's possible that these scientists also said that Joe Montana would not make it in the NFL.
    It gets more interesting. 125 miles away from all the dead birds, there was a huge fish kill. Hundreds or thousands of fish were seen floating on a river. They were all the same species, drum. Was this some sort of poison that someone dumped in the river? Why one type of fish and not another? Was this due to water temperature at different levels, poison being at a certain level, or the drum just chose the depth that was unwise? Were the bass just lucky that day and said, "Ah heck, it's not that cold, lets stay close to the surface today." Official response was that it definitely was not pollution but that unusually cold weather might have killed the fish. Hey, it's better than the fireworks theory. Here's another theory. The military is testing sonic weapons that can kill without bullets, just a wave that you can't even hear. Like the pulse guns in Eraser, the movie that the Governator starred in.
    I told you guys about our trees dying here. Not all the trees. It started with our dogwoods about 7 years ago. They all died. Bummer, but hey, might have been a blight or a bug. A year or so later, our pin oaks started dying and I'm talking mature trees, 60 feet tall. I thought, well, we are in the worst drought in history so that must be the cause. Today, my wife and I were down at the creek and she starts looking around and says, "Hey, all the mountain laurel are dying, at least the ones up and down the creek."
   As I've said before, is it possible that global warming is causing enough of a climate change so that whole temperate zones are sliding north and killing out plants that no longer are suited to an area? I don't know the answers to any of these questions, except for the Joe Montana thing. I do know that I resent government officials who think Americans are stupid enough to believe the fireworks theory about the birds.
    Just to honor Mel Gibson's character in Conspiracy Theory, let me continue. I say these things only partly in jest. I don't believe our leaders would tell us if they knew that apocalyptic events were pending. They would quietly start seeking another planet that was habitable and see to it that all of us, other than a select few, had enough beer and TV to keep us occupied until they were gone. Then they'd radio us from space and say, "It is with deep regret that we inform you, blah, blah, blah".
    Hey, you think the angry birds are ticked off about the pigs stealing their eggs in the terrific video game? The birds in Arkansas aren't angry, about eggs or anything else. They just fell from the sky, due to fireworks.
     Well, I'd love to chat some more but the bottle that I put on my doorknob just hit the floor and Julia is scared.
    From the author's green retreat, I'm CE Wills.

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