We have had many odd things happen here. Several years ago, when we fed birds on a big feeder, we found a decapitated bird on the feeder. After a lengthy CSI investigation we concluded that an evil cat had killed the bird and left his corpse there to vex us. I find it strange that the perpetrator did not eat the bird in either case. In the recent case of the hummingbird, I proposed that the bird had merely flown into something and killed itself. This happens fairly often as they try to fly through a window or a set of glass doors. It is sad, but so are many things in life. My wife pointed out that the hummingbird was 20 feet away from any object that he could have brained himself on. Furthermore, she said, the whole back half of the bird has been chomped away, leaving him a mere shadow of his former self.
"Perhaps it was a cat who was on a diet, like an Atkins diet?" I said. My wife merely rolled her eyes and continued her post mortem examination of the remains.
The hummingbird really brought a little joy into our lives. He was a happy dude and would often hover within a foot or so of our faces as he buzzed around the flowers close to our deck. I never allow myself to become attached to animals because it inevitably ends badly, as in this case. It seems a bit vindictive of a stray cat to kill this beautiful and aeronautically talented creature and then fail to eat him. I decided to analyse the cat's deep seated hostility. Here are a few reasons I've come up with.
1.) As a kitten, he was frightened by a hummingbird.
2.) He had a flower-colored birth mark close to his rear end and well...
3.) It was a drunk, college cat who did this on a dare by his friends. He was so drunk, he was nearly cat-atonic.
4.) This cat was watching an old Alice Cooper concert. The one where the rocker bit the head off a bat. Then he just freaked and attacked the bird.
5.) This cat had hopes of being on an episode of Columbo or CSI.
6.) This was the Wilbur and Orville Wright of the cat world. After a lifetime of frustration due to his inability to fly, he just went berserk. The nearest flying object bore the consequences.
7.) An incredibly wealthy cat grew bored and wanted to prove he could commit the perfect crime. Even now he is laughing aloud at the puny efforts of the authorities to bring him to justice. Doubtless, we will hear of a whole string of these grisly executions across the bird world.
8.) At one time this cat lived in a home where the owner's love was usurped by a bird. The cat was put out on the street to forage for himself. Now he lives for revenge.
9.) The cat's owner bought a copy of the Angry Birds game. The cat was neglected and starved to the point where the mere sight of a bird sends him into a fit of rage.
10.) At an early age, the cat's owner shaved it with electric clippers. Now, any hint of buzzing is more than he can bear.
11.) The cat stopped short of consuming the bird due to remorse. I expect to find the cat in the woods tomorrow, where he has hung himself from a tree limb. He could not deal with the shame.
12.) The cat only ate a portion of the bird because the hummingbird practiced poor hygiene. He smelled so bad as to be unpalatable.
Rest assured, we are still on the case and the investigation continues apace. We have innumerable leads which I cannot divulge. From the scene of the crime, I'm CE Wills.
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