Skip to main content

The Heel Licker (Rated G)

    Hey, everyone. I heard an odd story the other day. It seems a lady was cleaning her flower bed. She was on her hands and knees and she was wearing flip-flops. (Sandal-like shoes with no heel.) She felt something wet on her heel and discovered that a snake was licking her heel. This story is so weird that I must assure you that it is true. Of course, the lady freaked, as would I. She had her husband come and kill the snake.
     I don't intend to take the snake's part on this dispute. But here are a few thoughts on this odd event.
1) This snake could have been an ambassador for snakes everywhere. Knowing the historic bad feelings between ladies and snakes, he came to make peace. He humbled himself to the point of licking a woman's heel. What was the thanks he got? He got chopped up with an axe.
2) He could have been sitting around the snake bar, talking with the guys and heard someone say, "Hey, they taste like chicken."
3) He may be wanting to become a professional coach. (Don't ask)
4) It was his flower bed. He had been wanting to clean it up for a month. He was sickly, however, and didn't have the energy. In an overwhelming display of gratitude he licked his new friend. She misunderstood his attentions.
5) This snake was very old and had no teeth. He tried to gum the lady to death and it didn't work out for him.
6) This snake was near-sighted. The lady was white and she looked like an ice cream cone. The odd texture of her skin just made it seem like swirly, soft serve. His advice to future generations would be "Just go to Baskin-Robbins".
7) This snake had been smoking pot and was so mellow that he 'just felt love for everybody'. He grew his hair long, wore some beads around his neck and went out to make friends. He should have stayed at the airport.
     In an unrelated but equally odd story, I had a strange bird encounter this morning. I was playing my keyboard in front of the glass doors. I was playing the song My Girl by Smoky Robinson. When I reached the part where I was singing "I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees", this bird called an Eastern Phoebe flew up to the glass. He listened a moment, then flew to a branch and sat a minute. I figure he heard my brag and came to check me out. He probably sniffed and said, "That ain't sweeter than my song, big guy." I fear that he may sue me for false advertising. Check for his tweet on the subject in Twitter.
    Well, this is about all the silliness I can stand for one blog post. I'm out of here.
From the author's green retreat, I'm CE Wills.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The White Chicken Mystery

    The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think?      After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Batman Lives In Washington, DC

    Hey, everyone. I just read an interesting article on Washington Post.Com by Mike Rosenwald. It was titled Who Is the Route 29 Batman? This is a true story about a guy that the cops pulled over. The guy was driving a black Lamborghini with Batman plates. There were yellow Batman symbols on the doors. They had a video from the police car that showed him being pulled over. He was wearing a Bat-suit which he said cost him $5000. His gig is that he visits sick children in area hospitals and hands out Bat-Toys and Bat-books to cheer the kids up.     His name is Lenny B. Robinson and he says that the 'B' stands for Batman. He is perfectly sane and is just a good dude trying to make a difference. He is a self-made millionaire and is currently having a duplicate of the Batmobile custom-made at a cost of $250,000.    It was a hoot, watching the cops having their pictures made with the Bat Guy. Someone asked him where Robin was and he said that the boy won...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...
Post a Comment
Read more