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Both Sides Now

   Hey, everyone. I wanted to update you on my new game called Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project. This game has quickly become too difficult for a casual gamer such as myself. It is with regret that I say it seems to be one of those games which will require considerable in-apps in order to have any sort of pleasant experience. I began to suspect this when A.) I could not overcome certain difficulties without extreme effort and B.) I saw that the in-game store had a place where you can buy a skip-level token. This is a shame since I saw potential for this to be a cool game. At least the in-apps are reasonably priced. Sigh!
     I have been playing some music this morning on my keyboard. I was playing well, for me especially, and I lingered on a new song that I am working on. The song is far from new, but I just started learning it. It was written by Joni Mitchell and performed best by Judy Collins. Yes, I am talking about Both Sides Now.
Whirls and furls of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And fairy canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
     It is a pretty tune and a deep one. It seems to suggest the passage of time in a young person's life, along with the disillusionment that can come with maturity. One verse deals with clouds, one with life, one with love.
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
   The lady goes on to opine that she really doesn't know life or love, or even clouds, at all. That has been my mood lately. Here I am at age 62, and feeling far more ignorant about life, friends, and other matters. Feeling less secure in past decisions and philosophies, along with wondering in mild amazement at my youthful conceits. Back in the days when I was so healthy and confident. When I walked with a swagger and thought I could walk into any dark alley, whether figurative or literal and emerge unscathed. I recognize these things as excusable conceits now. I realize that it is by the merest grace of God that I am living, that my marriage has endured, that my family and friends still seem to be fond of me.
     I laugh when I remember my previous attitudes, years ago, when I thought that I was blessed with some good things through my hard work or skills or brains. Thousands of better, smarter, more worthy men are on the streets and eating out of garbage cans. I would say to that younger, happier, cocky version of me,
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
Life's illusions  I recall
I really don't know life (love, clouds) at all.
     I bid you good day, from the author's green retreat. I'm CE Wills. 
      
    

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