Pocket Tanks and Women: A Review

    Hey, everyone. The other day, some of the grand-kids came by and we talked a lot about games, since one of them had received an I-Pad for Christmas. I recommended some games for them and they showed me this game called Pocket Tanks. When I first opened it, my thought was: "These graphics are not impressive." Sorta like the way that one might be guilty of judging a woman by her looks. Games, like women, are complex, and offer much deeper things than meets the eye.
    Pocket Tanks is simple, really. You play against the computer in the sport of shooting at one another, taking turn about. After a given number of rounds, the high score wins. You choose a difficulty level, which I love. Yes, I choose easy level and lose some of the time.
    You have a vast array of weapons. You can either have your 10 weapons auto-picked for you or you can pick manually, time about, like in school when you chose up sides in baseball games. You can play on-line if you get the deluxe edition, which is $4.99. That seems a bit high, but I bought it anyway. I wouldn't have felt right just playing the free version very long, because it is a cool game and people are doing this stuff for a living.
    The true draw of this game is its selection of cool weapons. They are not visually staggering, they're just cool. Like that little hippie chick you used to hang out with. The desert boots, the Janis Joplin hair, the poncho...
    For instance, there is the crazy wall. It explodes over the enemy, if you have the right range dialed in, and it erects a wall of blue ice, vertically. If it is behind his tank, your shells may bounce into his steel lap. If the wall is in front of him, it merely adds to his protection.
    The Island, when it explodes, has a rocket that describes a circular path, chewing through the earth and leaving an island of ground floating in the sky.
     The Cheap Shot is funny, because neither you, or your foe, can see it coming. Ha, ha.
    The Flea Circus has a bunch of dots that bounce everywhere and yip like coyotes. No, I'm not kidding.
     Have you ever burnt an old tire? It smolders forever and will burn until you burn that darn brush pile completely up. Well, you know what to expect from The Burning Rubber rocket.
      My personal favorite for the masochistic gentleman is The Lemon. No matter what elevation you have selected, this projectile goes straight up into the air and comes straight down on your own tank. Hilarious.
      As far as effectiveness goes, try The Crater Maker. It makes a big hole in the mountainside where your tank is sitting. Like that morning you wake up and say, "Wow, before I met her, my life used to look like this or that. I don't remember that tree being there..."
      The Jackhammer lands, then bounces straight up and down on that spot, blowing up with each bounce. It is cool. Unless it lands on you.
       The Late Bloomer. A great title for a weapon or a woman. Delayed reactions are often potent in this life.
     Jump Jets are odd, because they change your position radically, jumping you forward a goodly distacnce. This messes up the enemy, if he has your range down pat. Unfortunately, it messes up your ranging scheme as well.
      As you can see, this game is fun even from the start, but is deep enough that you can enjoy the discovery process, like any woman worth her salt. Very often, I delete games before I have given them the opportunity of savoring them to their fullest and seeing how delightful they can be. Alas, I fear that many men, and women, do the same thing in their love life.
    Good day.
P.S. Try the Dirt Slinger; when it lands it throws dirt everywhere, totally burying you.
I'm CE Wills.