For instance, I bumped into a giant. This in itself is not too shocking. In America, we would just sign him to an NBA team. No, his claim to fame is his odd tatts. They look like soft-swirl ice cream, as you can see in the above picture.
The giants of Skyrim don't go out of their way to bother anyone, which I have to respect. They are good ole boys and don't mean no harm. Ha, ha. But, if you mess around one of their campsites, they will kill you. They will stomp a mud hole in your rear end, as I can faithfully attest. Recently, frustrated because I was not making progress in the game, I decided to pick a fight with one of these swirly dudes. I thought I stood a chance, now that I had armor and a battleaxe. I quickly learned that a bit of strategy was needed as well. I ran to a creek bank and lucked upon a spot where the rocks prevented the tattooed gent from hitting me cleanly. By this device I was able to best him.
Oh, sure, the XP was good, and he had a little gold in his brief attire, but I was remorseful to a degree. Hey, the old boy was just minding his own business and I disturbed the tranquility of his camp. I messed with his 'chee' or whatever. As I stood over him, I began to meditate on why a guy would want to tattoo his bod in such a bizarre manner.
1) He wanted to look like Colin Kapernick (spelling?) of the San Francisco 49's.
2) He had trouble getting dates, due to his height. He sought acceptance with the tatts.
3) He was dating a chick who worked at McDonald's.
By the way, some friends told me to never kill a chicken in any village. Because that would make you an outlaw and you would be persecuted to the ends of the earth...uh Skyrim. Well, you guessed it. I killed a chicken. The owners of the chicken, a farmer and his wife, looked at me like I was from outer space, or Earth. They had this look of horror on their face. I freaked out and killed a second chicken, who was standing over its chicken friend and staring stupidly. Then I ran into the mountains.
While roaming around the mountains I ran across other weirdos. I happened upon an old tower where some sort of 'shade' lived. I guess that "lived' may be the wrong word because he might not have been alive, as we know it. He was made of green, sparking fire and drizzled sparks on the floor everywhere he went. While I wondered if he could be housebroken, he attacked me and killed me. Bummer. I kept going back and fighting him again. With swords, bow and arrows and finally shooting fire from my hands. I finally gave up and wandered on, hoping that killing the chicken had not doomed me to never win another battle in this game.
A ninja attacked me on a mountain trail and I lost to him several times. So I took another trail. I ran across a poor couple who had been in a confrontation with a dragon. They were distraught because the dragon had destroyed their home, their crops, everything they owned. I gave then five pieces of gold, for which they were very grateful. Hey, I hoped that this would change my karma after the chicken debacle. I went on my way rejoicing.
I later went into a weird situation. It was like this. There was a tower on a hill. Yet, when you entered it there was a vast amount of underground grottoes. There were a lot of barred cells and I wondered what they were for. I fought a bunch of men and women and killed all of them. I felt that I was forgiven for the chicken/giant peccadillo. My luck had changed. Then I came to an area where the cells were occupied.With Werewolves! Can you believe that? But wait. There is more. My on-screen guide told me I could hack the cells with a lock pick. I laughed to myself.
"Do they think I was born yesterday?" I muttered with a maniacal laugh. I mean, really. Werewolves have a really bad reputation, second only to chicken murderers. No, I left the werewolves in their cells. They looked on quietly, with their hairy bodies and red eyes.
I cleaned out that whole citadel. I was happy now, convinced that my new armor made me a force to be reckoned with. That, and my improved karma.
I went into another mountain fortress and encountered a female vampire. I won my battle with her, though she wounded me. As I continued to explore the creepy joint, I was surprised that several doors suggested I re-close them after I had passed through. I didn't. Well, I fought a bunch of skeletons and beat them. I loved this because skeletons had abused me in another phase of the game and I relished the revenge. Surely I was forgiven for my sins against chickens. It was about this time when an onscreen prompt came that said, "You are experiencing a strange thirst as sundown approaches."
Wow, that was scary! Was I in danger of becoming a vampire? Absurd! Just because a female vampire had wanted to make out with me... Then I looked around and saw all the empty coffins. I fled from the castle, taking care to close every iron door after I had passed through.
So, as I close, let me say that Skyrim is a great game, as long as you are winning and making even a modicum of progress. But, isn't this true of games in general?
From this creepy castle, with this odd thirst, I'm CE Wills.
P.S. No giants, chickens or vampires were harmed during the making of this blog.
Comments
Post a Comment