Let's talk about the previews a bit. I have got to go see The Lone Ranger with Johnny Depp starring as Tonto. It looks really cool and let's face it, Johnny Depp is a great actor. You think some war paint and a few feathers are going to put him in the shadows of a movie? Not.
Oblivion, a sci-fi flick starring Tom Cruise, looks to be very cool, as well. Also, Man of Steel looks like fun. But all these are in the future and tonight I had to see a movie I was not so stoked about. Due to the fact that I walked in the door at the perfect time, we saw The Hobbit, in 3D. we were charged a ridiculous $23 for a pair of tickets and the glasses. High, right?
For the first time ever, I was in a movie where the 3D really made a difference. Wow! Very cool. Before the show started there was a ball thrown on the screen and it came so close to me that I reached up to catch it. During the feature, I thought a butterfly was flying at me. Later, when Gandal set pine cones on fire and hurled them, sparks hit me in the face so that I jerked my head back in reaction. I'm not kidding. Quite a rush, as we used to say in the sixties.
The story was okay. Bilbo, the home-body of all Hobbits, was talked into going on an adventure with a bunch of dwarves and Gandalf, of course. It seems that a fire-breathing dragon has stolen the dwarves ancestral home because he likes gold and the dwarves had piles of it. The dragon likes gold so well that he sleeps while covered in it. That would seem both cold and unsanitary, but who among us understands dragons?
During their epic journey, they face some odd situations. Orcs that ride on ravenous wolves. Elves that are not hostile to them but are not helpful. Huge rock monsters that are big as mountains and come out to fight during thunderstorms. I came very near to calling one of them 'Rocky'. Get it? They fight, they're made of rock... Whatever.
The heroes spend much of their time underground in a city of the Orc King. This guy is huge and he has ... Man Boobs! Not too adorable a guy, I assure you. You'd think that he would just wear a shirt, but it may be hot in Orcville, the city that rocks, the city that never sleeps...oops, that is San Francisco. Ha, ha.
Hey, maybe you want to see one of Gandalf's brother wizards drive a sleigh through a cursed forest, using magic rabbits to pull the sleigh for him. Yeah, it's in the show.
When I was an early teenager, I read this book. I found Golem to be a creepy little guy and they certainly rendered him well in this flick. He looks like he has been boiled. He wants to make a bet with Bilbo, hoping to outwit the Hobbit and win the wager.To whit: Bilbo becomes his dinner if Golem wins. Little does the Golem know that Bilbo has found his ring, which makes the weird creature a split personality, a fiend of evil, Precious. That's what he calls himself, by the way. Precious.
So, you want to see Gandalf ride a mighty eagle? Got you covered. Special effects and scenery your game? Oh, yeah. But lets talk about the other things.
This is a long show. 3 hours, I think. The first half is fairly boring. They could have cut an hour without hurting the movie at all. If this type of movie, Fantasy/ Magic/ Sword and Sorcery, is your thing, this will be a 4.5 stars out of 5. If you are like me and prefer cop shows, spy shows or sci fi, this show will be about 3.5 stars out of 5. I'm glad I went, it was fun, and the pine cone throwing sparks right in my face made it exceptional fun. Make up you own mind, precious.
P.S. I suspect that very small children could have a few nightmares from this show. Check it out if you wish.
Thankful that I don't live in Middle Earth, this is CE Wills
P.P.S. I liked hearing Johnny Depp call the Lone Ranger Kemosabbe. It was cool.
P.P.S.S. Ian Mckellen is Gandalf and Martin Freeman does an excellent job as Bilbo. Richard Armitrage is the wandering King known as Thorin. (Bad to hold a grudge)
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