Skip to main content

The Orc Report

      Since I had lowered myself to the point where I was discussing the stars on Wonder Woman's panties on my last post, I felt I should grow up a bit today. Therefore I want to do some serious reporting and I have chosen to talk about Orcs. Yes, those creatures made famous by Role Playing Games the world over. In particular I want to review a game called Orc Vengeance.
    This game came out a few weeks ago and cost $2.99. It garnered some good reviews and appeared to be fun so when I saw that it had gone on sale yesterday(?) for 99 cents, I pounced on it like white on rice.
     This game is a huge file (400 MB) and is very deep. A bad boy with the dreadful monicker of The Dark lord has taken over the troubled world of Argon. Deep in the bowels of a dungeon is Rok, an Orc with an attitude. He wants Vengeance (hence the name of the game) for the wrongs done to his people, if I may call them that.
     You, as Rok, try to escape the dungeon. (It would have been cool if they had given you a compadre named Rol.) As you travel through the spookiness, there are rats, bats, skeletons and a Jailer with glowing red eyes. The graphics are really good and there is an attention to detail which is admirable.
    Be sure to pick up the piles of gold coins that are everywhere. Even the skeletons drop them. (It's tragic how men cling to money, even in death). These coins can be used to buy stuff. They come rather quickly and I currently have a stash of a thousand or so. I'm pretty sure that I can't go to town and buy Barbecued Ribs with them, but I should be able to do some upgrades in the game.
    If you smash barrels and crates, you will find health potions and life potions, as well as coins. Even the skeletons have swords, so you would be well advised to pick up a sword and shield immediately and upgrade them as you see something better lying around the 'keep'. When you sword fight with the bad guys, you can swipe the screen and your Orc will swing his blade in a long glittering arc that is capable of killing 3 skeletons at once. I know because I did it, a feat that mothers will tell their Orc children about for years to come.
     I am currently trying to figure out how to do a 'Dash Attack' so I can kill this big Jailer with the glowing red eyes. I think he has been on an all-night drunk, because of A) The red eyes and B) his surly attitude. This is my first real sticking point in several chapters.
     There are lots of power-ups and upgrades, which seem to be better organized than most games of this genre. There are some in-apps, but I don't know how necessary they are to your success. It is a fun game and so worth a dollar. I must say that I find the Orcs hard to love because of the fangs and green skin, even though they are my people. I guess I can find solace in the truth that most of us have relatives that are hard to love in real life. Go in peace.
    From the depths of this creepy dungeon, I am Mork of Orc. Sorry, that's a 1970's joke. Ask your grandfather about it.
    I'm CE Wills.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Four Free Games

     Hey, everyone. If free games makes the start of a new week a little better, we're in luck. Check these out on your friendly, neighborhood app store. 1) Cowboys vs. Aliens vs. Ninjas- This is a dual stick shooter, much like Mini-Gore . You are an old-west cowboy with a vast array of weapons (earned gradually). You have to move and shoot, avoiding death, as you battle Ninjas and aliens. Some aliens are quite large. Some enemies are big Sumo Wrestlers. There are sword-wielding ninjas and these aliens that yield a mini-nuclear explosion when killed. When your enemies die they leave behind little stacks of money, or skulls. You collect these items because of a strange hobby of trophy grabbing for your macabre collection. Just kidding, the items can be spent or used as the game progresses. This is a good game and I played it for a while last night. 2) The Heist - A puzzle game with a twist. As you try to open a bank vault, you must face a series of different puz...
Post a Comment
Read more

Game Review: NFS, Hot Pursuit

    This game was one which I refused to download for a while, even though it was on sale for 99 cents. I thought that it looked boring and narrow. Boy, was I wrong! This game totally kicks butt. It is one of those rare games that will actually give you an adrenaline rush. It is that intense. The developers, EA Games, have recently updated the app to include two main avenues of play. You can either be the cops or the racers who are trying to evade the cops. As a racer you have to deal with cops trying to hit you and make you crash, cops buzzing you with helicopters, oncoming traffic, tack strips spread across the road and roadblocks. In the cop mode you are a cop and you are trying to stop a reckless racer by any means, fair or foul. As a racer you can use nitrous oxide for increased speed, overdrive capability and oil slicks. You also can jam the cops communication with a jamming unit. Like almost all games these days, it gets harder as you go along. I prefer my games to...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shadowgun: Killing The Windbreaker

    Hey, everyone. I thought it might be a good time for a bit of an update on the riveting game called Shadowgun. Consider this your spoiler alert and tune out if you want to.     Once you get past the dreaded Driller, things get better but you are certainly not out of the woods. You will want to make sure you keep a full clip in your gun as you stroll through the realm of the evil and crazy Dr. Simon. But hey, you're John Slade, the Shadowgun, and wherever you set your foot is the place to which your authority extends.      I love the way that some of the barriers disintegrate under the impact of bullets. I didn't learn this at my mother's knee but I darn sure know it now. I have learned that there are certain places it is good to plan on using the rocket launcher. Keep your stock of those filled. There are these transporter guys who are aggressive punks. The only way they respect you is if you kill them, so that's the way I roll. As...
3 comments
Read more