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The Orc Report

      Since I had lowered myself to the point where I was discussing the stars on Wonder Woman's panties on my last post, I felt I should grow up a bit today. Therefore I want to do some serious reporting and I have chosen to talk about Orcs. Yes, those creatures made famous by Role Playing Games the world over. In particular I want to review a game called Orc Vengeance.
    This game came out a few weeks ago and cost $2.99. It garnered some good reviews and appeared to be fun so when I saw that it had gone on sale yesterday(?) for 99 cents, I pounced on it like white on rice.
     This game is a huge file (400 MB) and is very deep. A bad boy with the dreadful monicker of The Dark lord has taken over the troubled world of Argon. Deep in the bowels of a dungeon is Rok, an Orc with an attitude. He wants Vengeance (hence the name of the game) for the wrongs done to his people, if I may call them that.
     You, as Rok, try to escape the dungeon. (It would have been cool if they had given you a compadre named Rol.) As you travel through the spookiness, there are rats, bats, skeletons and a Jailer with glowing red eyes. The graphics are really good and there is an attention to detail which is admirable.
    Be sure to pick up the piles of gold coins that are everywhere. Even the skeletons drop them. (It's tragic how men cling to money, even in death). These coins can be used to buy stuff. They come rather quickly and I currently have a stash of a thousand or so. I'm pretty sure that I can't go to town and buy Barbecued Ribs with them, but I should be able to do some upgrades in the game.
    If you smash barrels and crates, you will find health potions and life potions, as well as coins. Even the skeletons have swords, so you would be well advised to pick up a sword and shield immediately and upgrade them as you see something better lying around the 'keep'. When you sword fight with the bad guys, you can swipe the screen and your Orc will swing his blade in a long glittering arc that is capable of killing 3 skeletons at once. I know because I did it, a feat that mothers will tell their Orc children about for years to come.
     I am currently trying to figure out how to do a 'Dash Attack' so I can kill this big Jailer with the glowing red eyes. I think he has been on an all-night drunk, because of A) The red eyes and B) his surly attitude. This is my first real sticking point in several chapters.
     There are lots of power-ups and upgrades, which seem to be better organized than most games of this genre. There are some in-apps, but I don't know how necessary they are to your success. It is a fun game and so worth a dollar. I must say that I find the Orcs hard to love because of the fangs and green skin, even though they are my people. I guess I can find solace in the truth that most of us have relatives that are hard to love in real life. Go in peace.
    From the depths of this creepy dungeon, I am Mork of Orc. Sorry, that's a 1970's joke. Ask your grandfather about it.
    I'm CE Wills.

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