Skip to main content

The Orc Report

      Since I had lowered myself to the point where I was discussing the stars on Wonder Woman's panties on my last post, I felt I should grow up a bit today. Therefore I want to do some serious reporting and I have chosen to talk about Orcs. Yes, those creatures made famous by Role Playing Games the world over. In particular I want to review a game called Orc Vengeance.
    This game came out a few weeks ago and cost $2.99. It garnered some good reviews and appeared to be fun so when I saw that it had gone on sale yesterday(?) for 99 cents, I pounced on it like white on rice.
     This game is a huge file (400 MB) and is very deep. A bad boy with the dreadful monicker of The Dark lord has taken over the troubled world of Argon. Deep in the bowels of a dungeon is Rok, an Orc with an attitude. He wants Vengeance (hence the name of the game) for the wrongs done to his people, if I may call them that.
     You, as Rok, try to escape the dungeon. (It would have been cool if they had given you a compadre named Rol.) As you travel through the spookiness, there are rats, bats, skeletons and a Jailer with glowing red eyes. The graphics are really good and there is an attention to detail which is admirable.
    Be sure to pick up the piles of gold coins that are everywhere. Even the skeletons drop them. (It's tragic how men cling to money, even in death). These coins can be used to buy stuff. They come rather quickly and I currently have a stash of a thousand or so. I'm pretty sure that I can't go to town and buy Barbecued Ribs with them, but I should be able to do some upgrades in the game.
    If you smash barrels and crates, you will find health potions and life potions, as well as coins. Even the skeletons have swords, so you would be well advised to pick up a sword and shield immediately and upgrade them as you see something better lying around the 'keep'. When you sword fight with the bad guys, you can swipe the screen and your Orc will swing his blade in a long glittering arc that is capable of killing 3 skeletons at once. I know because I did it, a feat that mothers will tell their Orc children about for years to come.
     I am currently trying to figure out how to do a 'Dash Attack' so I can kill this big Jailer with the glowing red eyes. I think he has been on an all-night drunk, because of A) The red eyes and B) his surly attitude. This is my first real sticking point in several chapters.
     There are lots of power-ups and upgrades, which seem to be better organized than most games of this genre. There are some in-apps, but I don't know how necessary they are to your success. It is a fun game and so worth a dollar. I must say that I find the Orcs hard to love because of the fangs and green skin, even though they are my people. I guess I can find solace in the truth that most of us have relatives that are hard to love in real life. Go in peace.
    From the depths of this creepy dungeon, I am Mork of Orc. Sorry, that's a 1970's joke. Ask your grandfather about it.
    I'm CE Wills.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shadowgun: Crushing The Driller On Level 4

      Hey, everyone. Let's talk about the game called Shadowgun, the I-Pad game with which I have a love-hate relationship. Most of you who made it past the evil Cyber Lobster are doubtless locked in a death struggle with the Driller at the end of level 4. At this point you have been in the cave for a long time. The Driller breaks through the rock wall and chases you through the tunnel as you try to shoot out the green lights which slows the Driller down. If you are slick enough to shoot out all the lights and emerge from the cave, a rolling door crashes on the Driller and crushes his aggravating carcass. I have tried and failed to beat the Driller at least 250 times. I hate the Driller to the heights and depths my soul can reach. I hate it like a plague. I hate it with intensity of feeling. I hate it like a rich man hates taxes. Excuse me, I got carried away.       We had a big dinner here at the green retreat and my friend Trevor was ...
3 comments
Read more

Faerie In a Glass Jar

    Hey, everyone. Sometimes gaming can be high-pressure. Take tonight, for instance. I was playing the excellent puzzle game titled 4 Elements #2. I have already done a review of it so I won't attempt to do so again. You have to match symbols and use 'power-ups' to get molten lava to flow around a board and bring life back to a faerie world. Cool. That's what I do. I'm into it. There are also a variety of mini-puzzles such as hidden objects and even putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Hey, when I get in trouble I call Carley.     Anyway, tonight, Carley wasn't around when a crisis struck. I was confronted with a faerie in a glass jar. She was crying for help. She said that she was running out of air. Every minute or two she would rattle the jar. In order to free her, I had to find all these objects and use them. Like there were some missing books. Then there was the pieces of a torch. When I found them I could light all the candles. I found the pieces of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

You're Aiming the Missile Where?

    Hey, everyone, out there in game-land. The number 1 game on the friendly neighborhood app store is Call of Duty: Strike Team . No wonder, because it is a terrific game. The farther I play, the cooler it gets. But before I get to that, what are all these numbers indicating on my gun? Has to be some sort of ammo indicator for the clips, I guess. either that or some of my compadres has trouble doing his math homework. Whatever.     Hey. Check out the picture of me hitching a ride on an enemy truck so that my team can infiltrate a missile silo. Do you like the face mask? I bought it at a store called Fashions by Bane. Ha, ha. (Batman Reference) On this mission, my team was assisted by a Russian Spetsnaz squad. How's that for detente, comrade? These Spetsnaz guys make everything fun. What I mean is this. We shoot bunches of enemies and get into the bowels of the silo. We get to the gantry where the missile is (Pictured above) and we see that the rad...
Post a Comment
Read more