Skip to main content

Stolen Holes

     Hey, everyone. Back during the summer I had some time off and we put in a little putt-putt course here at the green retreat. If you saw it, you would shake your head or laugh but it was fun. We dug nine holes throughout the woods. Then I placed some of the plastic caps for PVC piping down in the holes. I did this because I like the sound of a golf ball as it falls in the hole. Then I went to Lowes and bought several bags of sand for sand traps, which we arranged in an artistic manner around certain holes. Ha, ha. There were plenty of hazards other than the sand, believe me. Tree roots, leaves, mushrooms, the list is endless. But all this is not the reason for this post.
    Not long after we put in the 'course', we noticed that an animal was stealing our holes. The plastic caps would be gone. We found some of them as much as 50 feet away from their hole. Others we have never found. I am confident that the local squirrels took them, because they are not nice people. I meditated about what a squirrel could possibly want with these things and here are some ideas.
1) They simply did it for spite because they are squirrels and they hold a grudge against us. The deal was, we quit feeding birds because the squirrels ate all the seed. A lot of history there.
2) The squirrels are building a house somewhere and decided "Hey, why should we buy drain caps of our own when these are perfectly good?"
3) They take these cups and use them for begging purposes. They wear dark glasses and pretend to be blind. They sit on the side of the road and play a little guitar and listen for the clink of coins in the cup. Then they take the proceeds and buy the darn birdseed.
4) The squirrels are radical environmentalists and want to keep 'their' woods pristine. Even now they are planning a protest march outside my house against the 'evil developers'. Sort of like the gopher in Caddy Shack.
5) They plan on using the caps as ornaments on their Christmas tree. On December 26, the caps will mysteriously reappear. The squirrels will assume an innocent expression as if to say, "Who, me?"
    From the author's green retreat, I'm CE Wills.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The White Chicken Mystery

    The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think?      After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Egg Art

     Hey, everyone. One of the odd customs in America is the Easter Egg Hunt. Here at the Green Retreat, we do a hunt every Spring. I just ran across some of the pictures from this years hunt and it is obvious that an artist had sneaked into our midst. The orange egg is a rendering of one of the Angry Birds of gaming lore. If I were a bird and had to pass an egg that size, I would be angry too. Ha, ha.      We typically will dye about 10 dozen eggs and people get quite creative with their quotes and colors, as you can see. Many of the eggs are a bit risque for these pages. After having a few laughs, we hide the eggs. All of them are never found, which is cool. It is amusing to see old men (me) and all ages of folks, walking around with a basket on their arm. Some of the hiding spots are dastardly. Like eggs hidden in the guttering downspouts and ten foot up a tree. The kids are perhaps the most devious at hiding the colorful orbs, goi...
Post a Comment
Read more