Skip to main content

Stolen Holes

     Hey, everyone. Back during the summer I had some time off and we put in a little putt-putt course here at the green retreat. If you saw it, you would shake your head or laugh but it was fun. We dug nine holes throughout the woods. Then I placed some of the plastic caps for PVC piping down in the holes. I did this because I like the sound of a golf ball as it falls in the hole. Then I went to Lowes and bought several bags of sand for sand traps, which we arranged in an artistic manner around certain holes. Ha, ha. There were plenty of hazards other than the sand, believe me. Tree roots, leaves, mushrooms, the list is endless. But all this is not the reason for this post.
    Not long after we put in the 'course', we noticed that an animal was stealing our holes. The plastic caps would be gone. We found some of them as much as 50 feet away from their hole. Others we have never found. I am confident that the local squirrels took them, because they are not nice people. I meditated about what a squirrel could possibly want with these things and here are some ideas.
1) They simply did it for spite because they are squirrels and they hold a grudge against us. The deal was, we quit feeding birds because the squirrels ate all the seed. A lot of history there.
2) The squirrels are building a house somewhere and decided "Hey, why should we buy drain caps of our own when these are perfectly good?"
3) They take these cups and use them for begging purposes. They wear dark glasses and pretend to be blind. They sit on the side of the road and play a little guitar and listen for the clink of coins in the cup. Then they take the proceeds and buy the darn birdseed.
4) The squirrels are radical environmentalists and want to keep 'their' woods pristine. Even now they are planning a protest march outside my house against the 'evil developers'. Sort of like the gopher in Caddy Shack.
5) They plan on using the caps as ornaments on their Christmas tree. On December 26, the caps will mysteriously reappear. The squirrels will assume an innocent expression as if to say, "Who, me?"
    From the author's green retreat, I'm CE Wills.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shadowgun: Killing The Windbreaker

    Hey, everyone. I thought it might be a good time for a bit of an update on the riveting game called Shadowgun. Consider this your spoiler alert and tune out if you want to.     Once you get past the dreaded Driller, things get better but you are certainly not out of the woods. You will want to make sure you keep a full clip in your gun as you stroll through the realm of the evil and crazy Dr. Simon. But hey, you're John Slade, the Shadowgun, and wherever you set your foot is the place to which your authority extends.      I love the way that some of the barriers disintegrate under the impact of bullets. I didn't learn this at my mother's knee but I darn sure know it now. I have learned that there are certain places it is good to plan on using the rocket launcher. Keep your stock of those filled. There are these transporter guys who are aggressive punks. The only way they respect you is if you kill them, so that's the way I roll. As you know by now, their strategy
3 comments
Read more

Shadowgun: Crushing The Driller On Level 4

      Hey, everyone. Let's talk about the game called Shadowgun, the I-Pad game with which I have a love-hate relationship. Most of you who made it past the evil Cyber Lobster are doubtless locked in a death struggle with the Driller at the end of level 4. At this point you have been in the cave for a long time. The Driller breaks through the rock wall and chases you through the tunnel as you try to shoot out the green lights which slows the Driller down. If you are slick enough to shoot out all the lights and emerge from the cave, a rolling door crashes on the Driller and crushes his aggravating carcass. I have tried and failed to beat the Driller at least 250 times. I hate the Driller to the heights and depths my soul can reach. I hate it like a plague. I hate it with intensity of feeling. I hate it like a rich man hates taxes. Excuse me, I got carried away.       We had a big dinner here at the green retreat and my friend Trevor was here today. He is my gaming consultant. I tol
3 comments
Read more

To Kill A Lobster (Shadowgun)

    Hey, everyone. I had not planned on posting tonight but I have to make something right. I gave Shadowgun a good review last night but I didn't do it justice. Tonight I got past the vicious Cyber Lobster and went on to play a lot more. This is a terrific game! Last night I would have rated it 4 stars out of 5. Tonight I give it 5 stars out of 5. By the way, here's a spoiler alert. If you don't want to know how to kill the lobster, don't read any further. I say this because I had several people come to the blog that were looking for the silver bullet ( figure of speech from old Dracula movies, not literal weapon for lobster) to kill this behemoth.      When the monster appears, he starts firing missiles at you out of his mechanical mouth. Don't run and hide behind a barrier. Get close to him and run back and forth, dodging missiles until you can blast the lime colored ball of light that appears periodically over his head. I suspect that this is his AI, but Cybe
6 comments
Read more