Skip to main content

Casual Gamer Syndrome (CGS)

    Hey, everyone. I was informed by a young person the other day that I am what is known as a casual gamer. I was somewhat aware of this but blissfully unconcerned. Upon reflection, I decided to figure out what constitutes a casual gamer and a hardcore gamer. This is tongue in cheek, so no poison e-mail, please.
CASUAL
1. Plays on his phone, I-Pad, or other multi-use device.
2. Buys his own games.
3. If he bought a game that cost more than $9.99, he would need therapy to deal with the guilt feelings.
4. Does not relish a challenge. In fact, he bashes Angry Birds in app store reviews for being too hard. In fact, this person resembles Goldilocks with the porridge belonging to the three bears. This game is too hard, this game is too easy, this game is "Sigh," just right.
5. Tends to have around 100 games on his mobile device. Plays each one until slightly irritated, then deletes them. Fortunately, most of them are either free or cost 99 cents.
6. Fancies himself a gamer but goodness knows, if he were, he would have an X-Box 360.
7. Distrusts any sort of multiplayer action, push notifications, badges or awards. Known to place a glass bottle on his doorknob like Jerry in Conspiracy Theory.
8. Fantasy vacation, Disneyworld. 
9. Uses the options menu to turn off the blood in all new games.
10. Drives a car with four doors and may read books in his spare time.
11. Occasionally eats things other than pizza.

HARD-CORE
1. Probably doesn't work for a living. If he does, he hates his job and rushes home to his 'Isolation Chamber'.
2. Doesn't own a gun, but has a bumper sticker that states "If you take my X-Box, you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hand."
3. Wears camo clothing while playing war games.
4. Thinks nothing of spending $40 dollars for a game. Hey, Mom and Dad have plenty of cash.
5. Seeks elite status in gaming. Will devote hours per day to climbing global leaderboards and has his own carefully selected group of commandos to watch his back and protect his flank during assaults on castles and stuff. (During multiplayer action)
6. Uses the word 'Dude' a lot.
6. Loves to watch game action instant replay, of himself, on his Kinect system.
7. Has a friendly contempt for Apple Fanboys, the app store and the games thereon. Known to state flatly that no game worth its salt could be free, or a mere 99 cents.
 8. He is required by law to have at least one gaming poster on the wall of his 'sanctuary'.
9. Thinks that any game without blood is 'lame'.
10. Considers Japanese anime an art form and has a large collection of posters, comics and videos of sword wielding women.
11. Fantasy vacation, Gaming Developers Conference.
     From the casual gamer's retreat, I'm CE Wills.                        

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Shadowgun: Crushing The Driller On Level 4

      Hey, everyone. Let's talk about the game called Shadowgun, the I-Pad game with which I have a love-hate relationship. Most of you who made it past the evil Cyber Lobster are doubtless locked in a death struggle with the Driller at the end of level 4. At this point you have been in the cave for a long time. The Driller breaks through the rock wall and chases you through the tunnel as you try to shoot out the green lights which slows the Driller down. If you are slick enough to shoot out all the lights and emerge from the cave, a rolling door crashes on the Driller and crushes his aggravating carcass. I have tried and failed to beat the Driller at least 250 times. I hate the Driller to the heights and depths my soul can reach. I hate it like a plague. I hate it with intensity of feeling. I hate it like a rich man hates taxes. Excuse me, I got carried away.       We had a big dinner here at the green retreat and my friend Trevor was ...

Faerie In a Glass Jar

    Hey, everyone. Sometimes gaming can be high-pressure. Take tonight, for instance. I was playing the excellent puzzle game titled 4 Elements #2. I have already done a review of it so I won't attempt to do so again. You have to match symbols and use 'power-ups' to get molten lava to flow around a board and bring life back to a faerie world. Cool. That's what I do. I'm into it. There are also a variety of mini-puzzles such as hidden objects and even putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Hey, when I get in trouble I call Carley.     Anyway, tonight, Carley wasn't around when a crisis struck. I was confronted with a faerie in a glass jar. She was crying for help. She said that she was running out of air. Every minute or two she would rattle the jar. In order to free her, I had to find all these objects and use them. Like there were some missing books. Then there was the pieces of a torch. When I found them I could light all the candles. I found the pieces of ...

You're Aiming the Missile Where?

    Hey, everyone, out there in game-land. The number 1 game on the friendly neighborhood app store is Call of Duty: Strike Team . No wonder, because it is a terrific game. The farther I play, the cooler it gets. But before I get to that, what are all these numbers indicating on my gun? Has to be some sort of ammo indicator for the clips, I guess. either that or some of my compadres has trouble doing his math homework. Whatever.     Hey. Check out the picture of me hitching a ride on an enemy truck so that my team can infiltrate a missile silo. Do you like the face mask? I bought it at a store called Fashions by Bane. Ha, ha. (Batman Reference) On this mission, my team was assisted by a Russian Spetsnaz squad. How's that for detente, comrade? These Spetsnaz guys make everything fun. What I mean is this. We shoot bunches of enemies and get into the bowels of the silo. We get to the gantry where the missile is (Pictured above) and we see that the rad...