Skip to main content

How To Quit Writing Novels

    Hey, everyone. I thought I'd do a listing of ways that you can quit writing novels. Should you ever want to.
1. Buy an I-Pad. The tablet is a great productivity killer. You spend more time with it than TV, if you can believe that. It is a monster for entertainment. Hey, why write when I can have fun?
2. Start a blog. I started this blog as a casual thing. Now, after 15 months and 256 posts, I've found that it consumes a lot of time. But hey, I like it. As you age you need to develop interests and hobbies. Plus, it's less work than writing books.
3. Work full time. I've found that working a job interferes somewhat with fun and hobbies. They expect you to be there and do things. Barbaric.
4. Hate typing. If you hate typing, this will certainly impact your novel production.
5. Try to deal with E-Pub Check. Mind reading is not my strong suit.
6. Become a web-searching, touch screen tapping, netflix and Baggage watching, sit on the deck and listen to music, track studying and read other writers books, geek-a-zoid.
7. Become a hard-core gamer. Play endless games with a fervor. Then cast them aside when you tire of them.
8. Renovate a house. A time burner; plus, dealing with a bunch of challenging chores occupies your mind to the exclusion of your imaginary friends of bookdom.
9. Wander aimlessly through space and cut stupid cables with a plasma saw, thanks to your friends at Dead Space who didn't make an easy button for their game. But hey, I have to give them credit because they just issued an update that enables you to actually fight necromorphs. It's called survival mode and the update is free.
10.Move to Jamaica and live in the same beach house with Jimmy Buffett, Keith Richards and Jack Nicholson. You'll never write again. What's more, you'll never worry about it. Or anything else.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Biscuit

    Hey, everyone. What a relief that Christmas is over, huh? I don't think it was meant to be the way it is.     I started thinking about the so-called good 'ole days today. My wife says that at her house, they would take a left-over biscuit and shine their shoes before church. I one-upped her by saying, "Oh, yeah? I ate the biscuit when everyone got finished with it. And I was grateful for it." Truly, though, you can and people did, shine their shoes with a biscuit. Hey, they were greasy little buggers.     Speaking of greasy little buggers, I remember when everyone had wells and were very conservative about water, particularly those of us who had to crank a handle up and down to get a bucket of water. There was no daily bath. (No showers in those days, mate.) About twice a week we took a bath and here's the recipe: The oldest kid took a bath first, then the next oldest etc. You can see why younger siblings hated the older. Bathing in the...
Post a Comment
Read more

The White Chicken Mystery

    The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think?      After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...
Post a Comment
Read more