Skip to main content

Movie Review: John Carter

    Hey, everyone. I went to see John Carter today and I really enjoyed it. I was shocked that the movie was only showing 3 times all day at the theater where I saw it. Another theater, which I sometimes go to, only showed it twice. I think that the movie should do very well but how can it if it is disrespected like this? Normally, when a blockbuster comes out it is on about every hour with 3 or 4 screens showing it at each of the bigger theaters. Did the producers make someone mad? Anyway, here's the recipe for this show.
    John Carter, a Confederate soldier during the War Between The States, is transported to Mars by a medallion that he has taken from a Martian. This Martian belongs to a race of men know as the Therns. They are the only white men on Barsoom, which is what the Martians call Mars. These Therns have instigated a false religion in order to control the red planet's people. They have even ventured to earth with their schemes. They are held in reverence by the green martians, who have 4 arms, and the red martians, who are built like Earthlings.
   When John Carter appears on Mars he is captured by the Tharks. This is a nation of savage green men to whom every softer sentiment is considered a weakness. (We on Earth are heading in that direction, I fear.) It is apparent that the lesser gravity of Barsoom gives Carter incredible leaping abilities and strength. A born warrior, Carter becomes a chieftain of the Tharks and wins the friendship of their leader, Tars Tarkus.
     Dejah Thoris, a Princess of Helium, a nation prominent among the red men of Barsoom, is captured by the Tharks and John befriends her. Eventually they escape together. Dejah is in a bit of a pickle because her father, the Jeddak (King) is forcing her to wed Sab Than, the ruler of Zodanga. Zodanga is Helium's great enemy and they have the fair city 'on the ropes', as the boxers say. Clearly, Dejah loathes Sab Than but must marry the dude to save her nation. Such is the price of royal blood on any planet.
    To use a country expression, the appearance of John Carter of Virginia throws a monkey wrench in everyone's plans. He is a born warrior and a leader of men, even if those men have 4 arms and are 10 feet tall. John intends to save the princess, whom he loves, and stomp some Zodangan booty in the process.
    This movie has great special effects. The acting is pretty good and the story line is good, also. It was a treat for me to see the great white apes of Barsoom that I had read about. The faithful Woola will become a favorite, like the robots of Star Wars. Woola is like a guard dog for John Carter. Except he is as big as a rhino and runs faster than a gazelle. He is a fearsome fighter and is so ugly that he is cute. He is what the locals call a calot.
     There is no reason why this flick can not be the biggest movie of the summer. The odd sort of way its opening day is being handled makes me think that the powers that be in theater management may not want the movie to do well. I can't imagine why that would be. It doesn't make sense.
     I rate this show in two ways. To anyone who has read Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars series, this is a 5 star, must-see movie. To the rest of the populace it is probably a 4 star. It has action, romance, special effects, the whole enchilada. It lasts 2 hours and 12 minutes and there are a couple of slow parts. It takes some dialogue to introduce a whole planet with its culture and peoples.
    Taylor Kitsch plays in the title role with Lynn Collins as the lovely Dejah Thoris. William Dafoe stars as Tars Tarkus. Check it out, if you take the notion.
     From Barsoom, this is CE Wills.
P.S. I saw a preview for The Avengers today. It is coming out in May and looks very cool.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Shadowgun: Killing The Windbreaker

    Hey, everyone. I thought it might be a good time for a bit of an update on the riveting game called Shadowgun. Consider this your spoiler alert and tune out if you want to.     Once you get past the dreaded Driller, things get better but you are certainly not out of the woods. You will want to make sure you keep a full clip in your gun as you stroll through the realm of the evil and crazy Dr. Simon. But hey, you're John Slade, the Shadowgun, and wherever you set your foot is the place to which your authority extends.      I love the way that some of the barriers disintegrate under the impact of bullets. I didn't learn this at my mother's knee but I darn sure know it now. I have learned that there are certain places it is good to plan on using the rocket launcher. Keep your stock of those filled. There are these transporter guys who are aggressive punks. The only way they respect you is if you kill them, so that's the way I roll. As you know by now, their strategy

Shadowgun: Crushing The Driller On Level 4

      Hey, everyone. Let's talk about the game called Shadowgun, the I-Pad game with which I have a love-hate relationship. Most of you who made it past the evil Cyber Lobster are doubtless locked in a death struggle with the Driller at the end of level 4. At this point you have been in the cave for a long time. The Driller breaks through the rock wall and chases you through the tunnel as you try to shoot out the green lights which slows the Driller down. If you are slick enough to shoot out all the lights and emerge from the cave, a rolling door crashes on the Driller and crushes his aggravating carcass. I have tried and failed to beat the Driller at least 250 times. I hate the Driller to the heights and depths my soul can reach. I hate it like a plague. I hate it with intensity of feeling. I hate it like a rich man hates taxes. Excuse me, I got carried away.       We had a big dinner here at the green retreat and my friend Trevor was here today. He is my gaming consultant. I tol

Men In Black 3, Just Empty Black Suits?

    Hey, everyone, out there in the world! Nice of you to stop by. Today I downloaded Men In Black 3 for I-Pad. There were a number of positive reviews on the app store, but there were several reviews that complained about the game failing to open. This was my experience. It opened to the screen shown above and froze there. At least it was free. I have an I-Pad 3, so maybe you will have better luck with yours.     EA games is having a big sale for the holiday weekend. I already have most of the titles which are on sale, however. I did buy several games this weekend, though, and I'd like to tell you about them.    Get Out of My Galaxy is a Mario type of space game in which you control a monster with 4 arms. The dude eats rocks and has a penchant for slapping little cone-headed aliens. There are a certain number of aliens to slap on every planet, then you move on to the next world. There are power-ups to grab as you go along, for health and other things. There is prickly vegetatio