Skip to main content

The Second Crack and Angry Birds Space


     Hey, everyone. One of the signs of the times is the entry of  women into the trades. Plumbing is a good example. This week an update to the hugely popular game called Plumber Crack appeared on the app store and was eagerly downloaded by several million sharpshooters. Ice cubes started flying all over the planet with a new target: a lady plumber.
    It seemed a bit more 'natural' to flick the ice cubes now. It didn't bother me to buy this lady a butterfly tattoo. I liked the way she giggled, quite lady-like, when I found my target. Is it my imagination or do I have to throw the ice harder now?
    Someone asked me a question the other day. Let me think... oh, yeah. They asked me how to achieve the highly coveted Sharpshooter Award. The answer is that you must achieve a throw that lands the ice cube in its place without it bouncing around. More or less a straight shot, or in basketball parlance, nothing butt net.
    I hope that you appreciate that I haven't used all the bad puns at my disposal. As surely as the moon rises tonight I could have made some silly jokes about this game. Like, for instance, "it cracks me up". Or, "This game is not all it is cracked up to be". I refrained from doing so.
     Hey, I bet a lot of you guys are sitting in a theater, watching Hunger Games, even as I write this. The story looks intriguing and I wish that I had gone to see it instead of painting all day. I did, however, download the free video game by the same name. It is largely just a promotional thing, for the movie, but it is okay. Your avatar is a young girl with a bow and arrows. You run and shoot giant fireflies. I think that there are some bees, also. I have never seen bees that spit globs of green slime at you but then again I have never left Earth.
    Speaking of leaving Earth, I bought the latest game about those outraged avians, Angry Birds, Space. I am not a big fan of this series, because it is not my style of game, but I like this one the best of any in the series. I sprang for the non HD version, which is a paltry 99 cents. It is well worth that price, even without zombies, guns or cool explosions. What is up with that pig that has an orange mustache and eyebrows???
     It is cool to judge the effects of orbital drag, gravity and the like. Pigs hide in fields of frozen space debris. Once I shot a bird (sounds like something done in traffic) all the way around a planet and struck a grinning pig who thought himself safely hidden behind concrete blocks. Gravity pulled that baby right down on his head!
    Another scenario I liked was this: The pigs were floating in space in their little suits of glass, so that they had oxygen. When I struck one, his glass bubble shattered, then his face turned all grey before he poofed out of existence. I know that sounds malicious of me, but hey, the dude stole my eggs. That is equivalent to throwing an ice cube down my crack. Either one will get you hurt, at the author's green retreat.
   I'm CE Wills.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The White Chicken Mystery

    The other night I happened to come home very late. It was the middle of the night and I was driving up a steep mountain road. Near the top I saw something white in my headlights. It was standing in the other lane, standing very still. It was a large white chicken. It was probably a rooster because I thought I could see his comb as I whizzed by at my customary pace. He never moved a muscle. This is weird, don't you think?      After a couple of days to consider this phenomenon, I have come up with some plausible answers for his bizarre behavior. 1. He was conflicted whether or not he should cross the road. 2. He was feeling cocky and decided to play chicken with the traffic. 3.He was being hen-pecked at home and had decided to end it all. 4. Someone had egged him on to do it. 5. He had just watched the movie Fantastic Four and decided to try to stop a truck the way that Ben Grimm did on the bridge. 6. He had driven himself crazy wondering if ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cake Is Better Than Swords

Hey, everyone. On Thanksgiving, we had a get-together here at The Author's Green Retreat. One lady brought a cake which I wanted to show you. It had the look of a Roman Coliseum about it. Inside it was just as decadent...and fun, as ancient Rome. When I cut it open, homemade marshmallow cream began to ooze out in several spots, running over the chocolate cake and peanut butter icing. It is best served warm so the cream is fluid. Very tasty. The same lady, and her children, are people who have played a lot of Skyrim. They gave me some pointers on the game because I am having problems with it. They taught me how to fast travel, and a ton of other things, but the main thing was the armor and clothing problem. This is a little embarrassing, but let me explain. Okay. For several weeks when I played, I would enter towns and everyone I met would comment on my nakedness. I would select a tunic and shoes, whatever, go back around people and they would say something about it. I guess I w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Egg Art

     Hey, everyone. One of the odd customs in America is the Easter Egg Hunt. Here at the Green Retreat, we do a hunt every Spring. I just ran across some of the pictures from this years hunt and it is obvious that an artist had sneaked into our midst. The orange egg is a rendering of one of the Angry Birds of gaming lore. If I were a bird and had to pass an egg that size, I would be angry too. Ha, ha.      We typically will dye about 10 dozen eggs and people get quite creative with their quotes and colors, as you can see. Many of the eggs are a bit risque for these pages. After having a few laughs, we hide the eggs. All of them are never found, which is cool. It is amusing to see old men (me) and all ages of folks, walking around with a basket on their arm. Some of the hiding spots are dastardly. Like eggs hidden in the guttering downspouts and ten foot up a tree. The kids are perhaps the most devious at hiding the colorful orbs, goi...
Post a Comment
Read more